I remember the day I crossed the North Carolina state line, coming back to my home in Charlotte, after a tour of almost two months across the country. It was a rainy day much like today and I thought of how the raindrops were reflective of the tears of joy I shed as I read the words “Welcome to North Carolina.” On that tour, I had entertained every city I visited as a potential new home. I looked at each city from High Rolls, New Mexico to Nevada City, California with the eye of a potential transplant. There were so many beautiful cities and people on that tour and I was unsure which one was home until I crossed the state line and reentered North Carolina. The mist was rising off the Smokey Mountains and the greenery surrounding me seemed to deepen as I drove into the hug of those mountains. I knew I was home. Being born and raised in North Carolina, I knew I loved it here but I didn’t know, until that moment, how much a part of my very DNA it was. I was in love with my state, it is a beautiful state in so many ways and in that moment I was home.

A slow steady rain and then outbursts of thunder, lightning and down pours of violent storms and back to slow steady rain; that is the scene outside my window tonight in Charlotte. I sit here with slow steady tears falling off my checks and I acknowledge that there are indeed outbursts of thunder and lightning known as anger and even rage coming from my brothers and sisters across this state tonight as we sit in the wake of the passing of Amendment One in North Carolina. My tears vacillate from sadness, for the stain placed on the state that I love tonight, to tears for the friends and fellow North Carolinians ashamed of their state tonight and finally to tears for the people who were misled into voting for this amendment. Misled by their churches and pastors; the very people whom they go to for guidance. Misled into thinking this amendment was about “protecting marriage” and doing what God would have them do. This amendment was about politics, power, separation, discrimination and even oppression and thousands of people voted for this amendment without even being educated as to its legal ramifications for gay and straight couples alike, as well as their children. People voted for it without even being given the full amendment on the ballot.

As a lesbian, I feel a bit kicked in the chest, as if yet again, I am being told that who and how I am is a second class citizen at best. This is a hard pill to swallow. The passing of this amendment reminds me of the Jim Crow laws and customs from the late 1800’s and early 1900’s designed to discriminate against black people and nullify their constitutional rights. At a time when our state and our country should be evolving into releasing the old statutes from our constitutions that make same sex marriage illegal, this feels like ten steps backwards, as two statutes were not enough so they had to actually change the constitution to “protect marriage.” I have yet to have any person for this amendment explain to me how two people of the same sex getting married threatens their marriage or takes away from it in any way. I have yet to have anyone explain to me how we came to America for freedom of religion and now we are allowing a religious belief of some to take away the freedoms of others. Yet, I believe that everything is a movement toward wholeness. I know that after contraction comes expansion and after oppression comes freedom. It may not be today but it IS coming!

In 1924 the Society for Human Rights was formed in Chicago as the first gay rights organization and there have been powerful and passionate leaders since then and yet now we are being called upon to all be leaders. The good news is that in addition to the LGBT leaders that have paved the way, we also have some other tried and true footsteps to follow out of this land of darkness. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said that “A threat to justice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” Dr. King led us out of one land of darkness but he didn’t do it by responding with hate toward hateful acts. He followed the example of another great man, Mahatma Gandhi. These two men taught us how enormous and seemingly overwhelming change can and WILL happen if you stay the course with nonviolent communication and “be the change you wish to see”. Dr. King said he had a dream. I believe that his dream is still valid and still alive in the hearts of many Americans today, regardless of the color of their skin. Many North Carolinians are outraged tonight by the vote to change our constitution to not only say that marriage is only between a man and a woman but to also nullify rights for domestic partners and their families regardless of sexual orientation (the second part, by the way, was completely left off of the ballot). So while “be the change you wish to see” makes a great bumper sticker or t-shirt slogan it can be at times a bit harder to live, and yet it is crucial that we do just that. We must continue standing for equality and we must continue to demand that the constitutional rights of “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” be upheld for ALL Americans.

Now we go back to the drawing board with “Repeal Amendment One.” We don’t stick our heads in the sand or throw our hands in the air and say, “it doesn’t matter, and it will never change”. We continue as Gandhi and King did, to put one foot in front of the other and we remember the most important part is not what we do but the energy with which we do it. I was thinking of that tonight at the grocery store when the young man bagging my groceries looked at my “Vote Yes to LOVE and no to amendment one” t-shirt and said “well, I believe everyone deserves the right to be together but you can’t really call it a marriage now can you? That’d be like calling a rose a tulip; you get what I’m saying?” Instead of saying something mean to put this young man in his place and slam him with my point of view and try to make him look stupid, I simply said “No, I don’t get what you are saying. I mean I hear you but it simply doesn’t make sense, nor feel right for some people to have the benefits associated with marriage and others not to be afforded those rights but you are free to think what you would like.” He actually stopped and listened because I didn’t get mad and fight against his opinion, instead I remained open and loving and yet said NO.

What I believe is that when we stop “Fighting Against” and devote all of our energy to “Standing For,” then this change for equality will happen; for our country and for our world.  But we must not fuel the flame of separation and polarization, especially now, by holding hatred in our hearts for the ones who voted for this amendment. I know this is a tall order and for some of you, my friends, your anger wants to lead the way. Yet, I know for you that you can use that anger as fuel for what is right and just, as you let it guide you into something positive. Let it guide you into living your life even more filled with dignity, self-love, self-acceptance and self-respect. I believe that the more we as the LGBT community do this, the more that the world HAS to change. As Jesus taught; “as within, so without” and I believe this is giving us the opportunity to let the outrage we feel pull us even more “out” of our quite acceptance of the status quo and into living more fully as who we are.

I believe that there are Universal laws in place regardless of your religious belief and background, regardless of whether or not you believe in them. One of those Universal Spiritual Laws is what some call the Law of Attraction or the Law of Mind and it is supported by the findings of Quantum Physics. Put simply it means; what you give your strong feeling, emotional energy and thought to, you contribute to being a reality in your world. Put another way; what you focus on expands. Let us not waste time and precious energy on the anger, the resentment and the arguing. Feel your feelings and then choose to turn them into fuel for the fire by transforming them into love, self-love, and love of who you are and love for the God that made you perfect, whole and complete. Remember we are energetic beings living in a world made up entirely of energy, so this is not airy fairy, this is real nuts and bolts molecules of life stuff and it is extremely important that we stay focused on the task at hand which is not fighting for a difference, but being different. If you say you want equality for all people then treat yourself with the dignity you desire from others by being who you are without, apology and talking freely, honestly and loving with others about the need for equality for all people. How can we expect our neighbors, co-workers, family and others to open their minds and hearts if ours are closed?

Like many of you, sometimes over the last few months of discussing Amendment One I have felt as though I were watching a movie about the dark ages when people were oppressed, deceived and ruled by fear. I have felt anger, I have felt sadness, but I still have a dream…

My words are in italics below and mixed with the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. as I share a dream, a vision for our future whose time is NOW:

“…Knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia and the green mountains of North Carolina, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners, gay sons and daughters alongside straight sons and daughters, Christian children and the children of all faiths will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, and even the state of North Carolina, a state of fear and separation, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. Where all children will grow up free to love as their heart tells them to love and will be supported by the laws and actions of this great nation in living their authentic lives.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, Mississippi, South Carolina, Virginia, North Carolina and all of the states who are so steeped in the fear of change, will have an evolution of consciousness and will be transformed into communities and cities where conservative Amendment One Christians and liberal equality seeking men, women and children will be able to join hands…and walk together as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together…to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

Today, May 9, 2012 as important or even more so, than yesterday…I Stand In LOVE and I stand for love and I will not be moved! We ARE the change and it will not be denied!